Comfort is not the word that first comes to mind when I think of arranged marriages. That word would be fear or horror or risk.
Just think about it. Can you even imagine agreeing to travel days away from the familiarity, companionship, and safety of your family to marry a man you’ve never even met?! I mean…he could be a troll. Right? You’d know nothing of his personality either. He could be mean as a snake! I just cannot imagine such a circumstance.
But Rebekah was led of God. And so was protected of Him. Her marriage to a complete stranger, Isaac, was ordained of God. (Genesis 24) And I believe Rebekah rested in that fact. She was very blessed in her day of arranged marriages to be given a husband who loved her. Indeed, that is a blessing in any day.
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. Genesis 24:67
As I read this passage again, my thoughts snagged on the phrase “Isaac was comforted.” I realized that I’d always thought of the story of Isaac and Rebekah from a woman’s point of view. But not only was this arranged marriage a risk for Rebekah, it was also a risk for Isaac. And I began to think of what kind of person Rebekah probably was.
In the verse above we are told that Rebekah was such a wife to Isaac that she brought comfort to his heart and life…especially during a time of sorrow and change and loneliness with the loss of his mother, Sarah.
As I thought about their story, I had to ask myself, would my husband be able to say that of me? Am I such a wife to my husband—a comfort to him? Are you?
It is certainly something we should strive to be. I want to be the best wife that I can be. I’m sure you do, too.
So, what could we do, or be, that would be a comfort to our husband?
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11
Our husband should be able to “safely trust” in us, fully assured of our faithfulness to him and to our marriage. We should always behave in such a way that our husband never has to wonder or worry about us ever spending time with another man in an inappropriate way. What comfort it is for a man to be able to go off to work each day safely trusting in his wife’s love and fidelity!
Faithfulness in other ways is important as well. Faithfully speaking well of our husband to others and standing with him, even when no one else does, will show our husband that we love and value him…that he is, after God, number one to us.
A believing husband would find the most comfort, I believe, in knowing that his wife belongs to God and loves and serves Him faithfully. For if God controls her heart, then she will be the best wife she can be. And to know that he would see her again in Heaven one day, should she go first, would be an immense comfort to that husband.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18
Men need an help meet. That’s why God made us, Ladies! To be that help meet for our husband. And it is nice to feel needed. Isn’t it? Well…maybe most of the time. ?
There are things that each of us like to do and don’t like to do, are good at and not so good at. It is a comfort to a husband to have a wife who will willingly be a help to him and do those things he doesn’t like to do, even though it may not be her favorite thing to do either. I’m thinking…checkbook and yearly taxes. Ugh!
After all, it works both ways. Our husbands do things for us that they aren’t just dying to do either, like working demanding and many times dangerous jobs to provide for our families.
A husband also finds comfort in a wife he can count on to just be there for him when he needs her—to hand him a tool, or shine a flashlight, or hold the ladder. Or find…anything. ?
But a help meet is more than a helper. God saw that Adam was alone. And made Eve to be his wife and companion, as well. Our husbands take comfort, as much as we do, in having someone he can talk to and share his heart with and just do life with.
Acceptance is a wonderful gift we give each other, especially in marriage. To feel accepted by someone is to feel comfortable with that person.
It is a comfort to a husband to know that his wife accepts and enjoys him completely…his personality, his sense of humor, his looks, and his ways of doing things.
A wife who wants to be a comfort to her husband will also accept the standard of living her husband is able to provide and will strive to live within their means. And be thankful. Instead of complaining or running up credit cards. It is a comfort to a husband when he knows that his wife is satisfied with him as a provider.
Remember, Ladies, we can build up, or tear down, our husband and our home. Accepting our husband for who he is builds him up and encourages him.
When a husband feels accepted, he feels respected—which for a guy, translates as loved. And love certainly brings comfort.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
Husbands are no more perfect than we wives; and are, therefore, in need of forgiveness every now and then.
Do you forgive your husband as Jesus forgives you?
Having a wife who holds a grudge would surely not be a comfort. Imagine the strife in such a home and marriage.
Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4
Every marriage has its ups and downs. But for the most part, our husband should look forward to coming home from work. And we should do our part to help him feel that way.
What man wouldn’t avoid home if he knows that when he walks in the door, he will be faced with a lot of negativity from his wife—what the kids did wrong today, how she was mistreated at work today, how upset she is about something he did or didn’t do, etc., etc.
A grumpy, unhappy, easily irritated, and complaining woman is not going to be a comfort to be around. Lord, help us all not be that wife.
Like my daughter playfully says… “Don’t be that girl.”
Seek to lift your husband’s spirits by looking for the good in life. And helping him find the good when life is hard.
Isaac loved Rebekah and was comforted by having her as his wife. May God help us each day to be the kind of wife who brings comfort to our husband’s heart and life.
Drawing nigh to Him,
Would your husband say that you are a comfort to him? In what ways? Which of the ways of being a comfort is harder for you? What other ways could a wife be a comfort to her husband?